Tips to Help You Get the Ring You Want (and Still Be Surprised!)

Picture this: you’re sitting with your partner, enjoying a beautiful scenic overlook after a long hike on one of your favorite trails. The weather is perfect, and the view is stunning. You lean over to rifle through your backpack for a bottle of water, and when you look up you see your partner bent on one knee, holding open a small ring box. You are stunned: you had no idea they were planning this! You peek in the box and the ring is…

Sorry to leave you with a cliff hanger but this is my feeling whenever I finish a ring for a client and the recipient had no part in the design process. I have no idea how he or she will like the ring and it’s… gripping to say the least! As a designer, I always feel so much more confident about the success of a ring design if I know that the recipient had a part to play in the selection process. Still, I get it: sometimes it’s just more fun to experience (and give) the surprise of a beautifully designed engagement ring. But if you found the story written here to be a bit too exciting (stressful, maybe?), then we have a few tips to help you design the perfect ring, and still achieve the element of surprise.

1) Meet the jeweler together for the initial consulation

This is my number one tip because it truly leaves all parties feeling so much happier and excited about the process. When I meet with clients, it gives me an opportunity to get to know both parties and learn about their lifestyles, preferences, and general expectations for the ring. The key here is general: we really don’t have to get into complete specifics, but if I have the opportunity to meet the recipient and bounce some design terms off of them, I can much better discern whether they will like a light, airy, delicate style ring or a solid, shapely, geometric style. We don’t have to get into details on pricing or timeline at all - in fact, I always ask before sharing this information to make sure everyone needs to be in the know. Also, I can get your ring size, which is so important in production!

Once we have met, the person directing the design process can work with me directly to get into the specifics of the ring, including their preferred budget and how we can meet their prospective timeline. Because we have design “breadcrumbs” to follow, you can rest assured knowing that while you may not know exactly what your partner will decide for these details, they will pick something that suites your style beautifully. You won’t know anything about the ring itself or the timeline, but you will know that it will be right for you.

Leave Breadcrumbs

• If we are selecting a center stone, I can better advise that person as to whether graduating up in size would be a better option than graduating up in grading, or vise versa.

• I can better advise that person as to whether milgrain accents or engraving would be a good idea, and I can help them decide which prong style suites their design goals best.

After the initial consultation, I promise you will leave even more excited, knowing that your perfect ring is in the works and in good hands; the giver is relieved, knowing that the details have been sorted to a point of comfortable decision-making; and I (the designer) am confident, knowing I am making a ring that suites the lifestyle and preferences of the person wearing the ring.

2) Make a mood board

Mood boards are incredibly helpful for most people initiating a design process. A mood board is a bit different from a collage in that you are collecting general images that strike your inspiration, rather collecting only images of rings that you like. It’s a great option for people who really don’t know much about what they like (or dislike) in a ring design, since it truly can be overwhelming to search through the millions of ring inspiration photos available today. Rather than trying to find pictures of rings you want to design from, focus more on the general “vibe” you like. Light and airy? Deep and tonal? Are you a clean-lines-minimalism type of person or more of an antique-filigree-texture person? Knowing these details is incredibly helpful in giving direction to your partner, and they can then sit down with yours truly to talk through how these concepts can translate into a ring. If I have a mood board or other inspiration pictures, I always feel much more confident in the design concept even if I have never met the recipient.

3) Talk to your partner about your friends’/neighbors/other rings (and be honest!)

Depending on your demographic, you may or may not be feeling surrounded by other couples initiating their own engagements. If you are, great: you have ample opportunities to casually relay your own opinion on ring design. Did your best friend opt for an oval 2ct diamond in a solitaire setting, but you feel it’s just a little too big and simple for your taste? Tell your partner! Did your cousin pick out a special sapphire in a rose gold setting with antique elements, and you hate it? Tell your partner!! These conversations do not need to feel judgmental or rude. A wise mantra to follow in life is, “good for her, not for me,” meaning, leave room for difference in taste, but articulate what you prefer. Trust me, if you are purposefully ambiguous in these matters then you are making things incredibly difficult for your partner to choose what’s right for you - and that’s not fun for anyone! Jewelry is extremely personal, and leaving your partner to a game of mind reading feels pretty unfair, if you ask me. Communication is key, both in design and in your marriage, so get started on the right foot and be forthright in your opinions. Your partner will thank you!

Make your opinions known

Quick - what do you think of this ring? Now - go tell your partner!

Personally, we love a beautiful solitaire with antiqued design elements (and so might your partner) but the only important opinion is yours. Make it known!

4) Be open to participating in either the gemstone selection

This tip is for those of you who prefer a bit more of a heavy hand in the process, but who still want to let their partner make pivotal decisions. If you’re open to it, attending the gemstone consultation to help pick your center stone can be extremely rewarding from a design perspective, but you still have the opportunity to hand the actual design process to your partner to take the lead from there. When I do this, I get a budget in advance from your partner so that I know the safe zone to stay within for gemstone sourcing, and then we do not necessarily discuss pricing during the consultation. I make it clear that everything in front of you will stay within the approved budget so that you can pick based off of what you like instead of worrying about numbers. Sometimes, clients will end the consultation with two “approved” gemstone picks and leave the final decision to their partner, who then facilitates the design process completely one-on-one with the designer; other times, you may fall in love with a single gemstone and then we take the design from there without you. This is especially helpful if you are hoping for a unique gemstone or aren’t sure which cut is perfect for you. By examining the gemstones loose, you can maintain control over a huge piece of the design puzzle while still leaving some of the most meaningful design decisions to your partner.

Pick the stone that speaks to you

A specialty diamond like this salt & pepper type comes in many different shades and tones. Sometimes, picking this single element of your ring will give you the confidence to leave the remainder of the design up to your partner and your lead designer.

If you aren’t sure where to begin, we highly encourage reaching out for an initial consultation. We can talk through as many details as you like, and I promise: you’ll leave feeling so much more confident about the process once you know you and your partner are on the same page. We can’t wait to see what you like!